Thursday, Oct 20th, 2011... Crotch turned 32. Of course, on the way to work (yes, I worked on my birthday- bartending on your birthday is the best thing ever- I capitalized on that money making experience) I stopped at Tubbs house. I had a huge favor to ask her (renew my license plates for me since the stupid DMV is only opened during hours that I am at work).... So Tubbs and I smoked one, and she gave me a big huge present! It was Kettle Corn, with cutesy little bags like the Theatre has, a Red Basket to store shit in (matching my kitchen), a leopard print purse (YAY), and some tootsie rolls! I love candy, and she knows it!!! The cards, yes, plural... Are so cute. They brought tears to my eyes! The first one, has a girl wearing a gas mask on the front, and says A birthday wish for my favorite paranoid person. The inside says, "What are you staring at"? Then Tubbs wrote- STOP STARING AT ME YOU ARE MAKING ME NOIDED TOO! She is so funny, and she hit that one RIGHT ON! The second says, You are my kind of person... the inside- Aren't you ashamed? I fucking love it.
I got all teared up. Tubbs, you made my fucking day. You are an amazing friend, and I'm so glad we are pardners in crime! I couldn't ask for a better buddy! My life has changed so much in the past year, and you've stood by my side like a little trooper. You haven't treated me any different, as I've shrunk, and that speaks VOLUMES about you as a person. I had RNY gastric bypass on November 10th, 2010. In the past year, I've lost 180 lbs. It's not been easy for a lot of the people I know, and I understand... But Tubbs, you've been a little fucking rock. You are amazing.
Just so you aren't confused.... I'm tall, really tall (5ft 11 barefoot) Tubbs is short, really short. Like 5ft 2 in heels. I was more than 300 lbs when we met (she's about 100lbs), and now I'm 140lbs. So Tubbs & I are funny as hell when we are together, Me the Jolly White Giant, her the Mini White Midgie.... She also has HUGE titties, and I have NO TITTIES.... LOL I couldn't be happier with my little pal, shes the best motherfucking person ever. I trust her with my life, my child, my husband, my home, my doggies!
The remainder of my Birthday was just as amazing as the stop at Tubbs McSmokertons house prior to work. I was pretty busy at the bar, and all of my regulars came in to see me! I received some cards, balloons, a light up sash that says Birthday Babe on it, a bunch of sweet Knee socks (Love EM), and a TON OF REALLLLY GOOD TIPS!!!!! The husband, kiddo, and a few friends all went to Hooters for dinner. They made me stand on a stool (omfg I was 89 feet tall then) and sang for me. It was super fun!
Hubby and Kiddo got me a new Fox Racing hoodie, a sweet scarf & gloves set (Pink, Grey and SKULLS), some lip balm, a Fox Racing sticker for my car and a CARROT CAKE! MMMMM ME LOVE CARROT CAKE! Mom got me a Columbia Ski Jacket, since my one from last year is a 3x.... It didn't fit very well anymore!!!! My dad sent me a $50 check (BONUS)!
Well, I'm off to meet the kiddos teacher. She's been misbehaving in this class, and I need to see WTF is going on. She swears the teach just HATES her... so I wanna check this broad out, is she really just a snatch? Or is it the usual, WOE is ME...... I bet its the latter....
That's all for now Ya'll....
OLD CROTCH...OVER AND OUT
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