Thursday, Oct 20th, 2011... Crotch turned 32. Of course, on the way to work (yes, I worked on my birthday- bartending on your birthday is the best thing ever- I capitalized on that money making experience) I stopped at Tubbs house. I had a huge favor to ask her (renew my license plates for me since the stupid DMV is only opened during hours that I am at work).... So Tubbs and I smoked one, and she gave me a big huge present! It was Kettle Corn, with cutesy little bags like the Theatre has, a Red Basket to store shit in (matching my kitchen), a leopard print purse (YAY), and some tootsie rolls! I love candy, and she knows it!!! The cards, yes, plural... Are so cute. They brought tears to my eyes! The first one, has a girl wearing a gas mask on the front, and says A birthday wish for my favorite paranoid person. The inside says, "What are you staring at"? Then Tubbs wrote- STOP STARING AT ME YOU ARE MAKING ME NOIDED TOO! She is so funny, and she hit that one RIGHT ON! The second says, You are my kind of person... the inside- Aren't you ashamed? I fucking love it.
I got all teared up. Tubbs, you made my fucking day. You are an amazing friend, and I'm so glad we are pardners in crime! I couldn't ask for a better buddy! My life has changed so much in the past year, and you've stood by my side like a little trooper. You haven't treated me any different, as I've shrunk, and that speaks VOLUMES about you as a person. I had RNY gastric bypass on November 10th, 2010. In the past year, I've lost 180 lbs. It's not been easy for a lot of the people I know, and I understand... But Tubbs, you've been a little fucking rock. You are amazing.
Just so you aren't confused.... I'm tall, really tall (5ft 11 barefoot) Tubbs is short, really short. Like 5ft 2 in heels. I was more than 300 lbs when we met (she's about 100lbs), and now I'm 140lbs. So Tubbs & I are funny as hell when we are together, Me the Jolly White Giant, her the Mini White Midgie.... She also has HUGE titties, and I have NO TITTIES.... LOL I couldn't be happier with my little pal, shes the best motherfucking person ever. I trust her with my life, my child, my husband, my home, my doggies!
The remainder of my Birthday was just as amazing as the stop at Tubbs McSmokertons house prior to work. I was pretty busy at the bar, and all of my regulars came in to see me! I received some cards, balloons, a light up sash that says Birthday Babe on it, a bunch of sweet Knee socks (Love EM), and a TON OF REALLLLY GOOD TIPS!!!!! The husband, kiddo, and a few friends all went to Hooters for dinner. They made me stand on a stool (omfg I was 89 feet tall then) and sang for me. It was super fun!
Hubby and Kiddo got me a new Fox Racing hoodie, a sweet scarf & gloves set (Pink, Grey and SKULLS), some lip balm, a Fox Racing sticker for my car and a CARROT CAKE! MMMMM ME LOVE CARROT CAKE! Mom got me a Columbia Ski Jacket, since my one from last year is a 3x.... It didn't fit very well anymore!!!! My dad sent me a $50 check (BONUS)!
Well, I'm off to meet the kiddos teacher. She's been misbehaving in this class, and I need to see WTF is going on. She swears the teach just HATES her... so I wanna check this broad out, is she really just a snatch? Or is it the usual, WOE is ME...... I bet its the latter....
That's all for now Ya'll....
OLD CROTCH...OVER AND OUT
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Why?
We have a giant shot wheel on the wall at the bar. Its the wall that you walk past to get behind the bar. The fucker has metal pegs on it.... they have rubber covers, but drunk people pull them off. Yesterday whilst getting my ass kicked busy, I ran into an uncovered one and ripped a huge chunk out of my arm. It swelled, bled and burned like a motherfucker.
Also, the table that was running my ass off... they tipped me $14 on $120. The girl is a waitress, and it was her birthday.... What gives? I know she will come in embarrassed in a few days and give me more money, but seriously... It was so disenheartening. I almost cried. I made awesome money aside from this bullshit.
Today, I'm the waitress / cook from 2-6:30, and the bartender from 6:30-10 or so... I'm helping Tony out. He has class until 8:30.... he is covering for the usual bartender who is working at the other location.....which is 4 hours away, on the other side of the state. I would rather just bartend all night, and make a mint because I am broke. But, the bills are paid, so that rules.
Well, off to see Mom. Im helping her out at the office for a few, and she's taking me shopping for a new coat for my birthday (which is in 7 days). I want a North Face- it's super cute but $300. I feel guilty asking her to buy it for me, so I'm sure I'll settle for something less expensive. Ahhh, such is life.
That is all. Have a bitchin day
Crizzzotch
Also, the table that was running my ass off... they tipped me $14 on $120. The girl is a waitress, and it was her birthday.... What gives? I know she will come in embarrassed in a few days and give me more money, but seriously... It was so disenheartening. I almost cried. I made awesome money aside from this bullshit.
Today, I'm the waitress / cook from 2-6:30, and the bartender from 6:30-10 or so... I'm helping Tony out. He has class until 8:30.... he is covering for the usual bartender who is working at the other location.....which is 4 hours away, on the other side of the state. I would rather just bartend all night, and make a mint because I am broke. But, the bills are paid, so that rules.
Well, off to see Mom. Im helping her out at the office for a few, and she's taking me shopping for a new coat for my birthday (which is in 7 days). I want a North Face- it's super cute but $300. I feel guilty asking her to buy it for me, so I'm sure I'll settle for something less expensive. Ahhh, such is life.
That is all. Have a bitchin day
Crizzzotch
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
What a day!
Tubbs & I had a good morning date today. I went over her place before work, to smoke and bullshit. It was fun. She has some Grand Daddy Purps (GDP) which kicked my ass. Of course, the boss lady texts me mid-toke and tells me the computer dude is waiting for me at the bar, because our Point Of Sale (POS- yep, it's a total POS too) isn't running credit cards. At this time, I should've already been on the road to the bar, but alas, I hit the bowl a few more times. So, yeah... I am ripped high, and there's a nerd waiting for me to let him in the bar. I am always the only person at the bar when I open. I have my own little stoner routine that I do in the morning, and this fucker threw me off my game. I sprayed myself with the cheap perfume I keep in the car for moments just like this (it makes me feel less stoned, and at least I don't reek like weed), and gathered up my shit. I brought leftover calzone for lunch, as soon as I got out of the car, I nearly dropped it. The Nerd totally saw it as he walked across the parking lot.
This Nerd was in my way! I was getting ice, and he'd "set up shop" using 2 chairs, a couple of laptops, a mess of wire and other shit on 2 chairs right in my path. As I maneuvered through this obstacle course with the 2 large buckets of ice, I said "excuse me" thinking he'd maybe get the hint... He didn't. He didn't get the hint at all. He as in my way all day long. If he was behind the bar using that computer, he would take up the entire width of the bar, and seemed oblivious to the fact that I was WORKING, that I needed to get by him... repeatedly. The Nerd wasn't a large man, yet he took up all of this space. God Damn, I wanted to punch him in the esophagus.
The day went by pretty quickly. Nothing too exciting, I cooked a ton of food, made really awesome money, paid out over $1200 in Keno winnings (which equals great money for me), I got this table.... 2 girls a little younger than me, one of which had several bad tattoos ( I mean, shitty looking -like county jail- hey wanna be the first person I ever tattoo type of tattoos), and the other had really really really horrible acne. OH, AND SHITTY TATTOOS.... She had the awesome drawn on eyebrows... I'll call her Eyebrows.....So, they seem decent, not a lot of social skills. No eye contact, they did the annoying thing of pointing at the item they want on the menu, and mumbling what it was. This drives me nuts, Look at ME! I'm a real live person. Believe it or NOT!
So Eyebrows & Pizza Face order Mini Tacos, Fried Mushrooms and a large basket of fries, with Ranch, of course! So, things seemed to go well with them... they didn't eat all of the deep fried goodness, so I offered to box it. This is when I started to wonder what the hell was going on with them. They both barked "NO" at me about the box.... so I ask, "are you all finished, can I take this stuff out of your way?" They mumbled "Yes", so I set the check down (and advise no rush, whenever you are ready), load up with the baskets of half eaten deep fried slime and sucked clean ranch cups, and head to the kitchen to unload. As I step out of the kitchen, I see Eyebrows is holding a credit card. I go over and say, "Ready for me to run that for you?" Eyebrows "Yeah" (in a mumble again)... I walk to the bar, run the card, and return immediately. I set it down and say, 'I just need the top copy signed, Thank You".... Both eyebrows, and acne say, "Thank You", then Eyebrows says... "I like your earrings", in a low mumbly weirder than hell way. I say "thanks" and went back to the bar, and waiting on everyone else... They walk out, and I say the usual "have a good one".
I went to clean the table and see the credit slip signed, with a line drawn through the TIP area.... Hmmmmmm... I don't get it? I mean, not even a dollar? The bill was $19.59....and nothing. I gave them good service, I cooked the food, got them refills, brought them their extra ranch just like they ordered, so they didn't even have to ask for it when I brought the food. I don't understand some people. These girls had no reason to not tip. Ignorant ass white trash, go back to your trailer and make some Hamburger Helper next time, you can get that with your Food Stamps for FREE bitch.
The rest of the day was good, it slowed down around 5 so I was able to have the place looking spiffy for night shift. I love leaving it super clean, super stocked and perfect for the next bartender. Just like how I like to walk into it, which never happens. One would think that others would appreciate how nice I leave it for them and do the same for me... but they don't. They leave it a fucking wreck, and I clean and clean and organize and clean some more....but that's a whole 'nother rant.....
Oh, and the earrings... Pink Metallic Hoops. Nothing special, nothing crazy. Weird.
That is All.
Crotch
This Nerd was in my way! I was getting ice, and he'd "set up shop" using 2 chairs, a couple of laptops, a mess of wire and other shit on 2 chairs right in my path. As I maneuvered through this obstacle course with the 2 large buckets of ice, I said "excuse me" thinking he'd maybe get the hint... He didn't. He didn't get the hint at all. He as in my way all day long. If he was behind the bar using that computer, he would take up the entire width of the bar, and seemed oblivious to the fact that I was WORKING, that I needed to get by him... repeatedly. The Nerd wasn't a large man, yet he took up all of this space. God Damn, I wanted to punch him in the esophagus.
The day went by pretty quickly. Nothing too exciting, I cooked a ton of food, made really awesome money, paid out over $1200 in Keno winnings (which equals great money for me), I got this table.... 2 girls a little younger than me, one of which had several bad tattoos ( I mean, shitty looking -like county jail- hey wanna be the first person I ever tattoo type of tattoos), and the other had really really really horrible acne. OH, AND SHITTY TATTOOS.... She had the awesome drawn on eyebrows... I'll call her Eyebrows.....So, they seem decent, not a lot of social skills. No eye contact, they did the annoying thing of pointing at the item they want on the menu, and mumbling what it was. This drives me nuts, Look at ME! I'm a real live person. Believe it or NOT!
So Eyebrows & Pizza Face order Mini Tacos, Fried Mushrooms and a large basket of fries, with Ranch, of course! So, things seemed to go well with them... they didn't eat all of the deep fried goodness, so I offered to box it. This is when I started to wonder what the hell was going on with them. They both barked "NO" at me about the box.... so I ask, "are you all finished, can I take this stuff out of your way?" They mumbled "Yes", so I set the check down (and advise no rush, whenever you are ready), load up with the baskets of half eaten deep fried slime and sucked clean ranch cups, and head to the kitchen to unload. As I step out of the kitchen, I see Eyebrows is holding a credit card. I go over and say, "Ready for me to run that for you?" Eyebrows "Yeah" (in a mumble again)... I walk to the bar, run the card, and return immediately. I set it down and say, 'I just need the top copy signed, Thank You".... Both eyebrows, and acne say, "Thank You", then Eyebrows says... "I like your earrings", in a low mumbly weirder than hell way. I say "thanks" and went back to the bar, and waiting on everyone else... They walk out, and I say the usual "have a good one".
I went to clean the table and see the credit slip signed, with a line drawn through the TIP area.... Hmmmmmm... I don't get it? I mean, not even a dollar? The bill was $19.59....and nothing. I gave them good service, I cooked the food, got them refills, brought them their extra ranch just like they ordered, so they didn't even have to ask for it when I brought the food. I don't understand some people. These girls had no reason to not tip. Ignorant ass white trash, go back to your trailer and make some Hamburger Helper next time, you can get that with your Food Stamps for FREE bitch.
The rest of the day was good, it slowed down around 5 so I was able to have the place looking spiffy for night shift. I love leaving it super clean, super stocked and perfect for the next bartender. Just like how I like to walk into it, which never happens. One would think that others would appreciate how nice I leave it for them and do the same for me... but they don't. They leave it a fucking wreck, and I clean and clean and organize and clean some more....but that's a whole 'nother rant.....
Oh, and the earrings... Pink Metallic Hoops. Nothing special, nothing crazy. Weird.
That is All.
Crotch
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